there's a synonym for that...

cancellation = cessation...and that's where I am at tonight. Having anticipated another spontaneous night out with him, I was excited for a fun night. I thought it would be a good start to go to the batting cages since I remembered that he played baseball in highschool. I've only been to the batting cages once before, in my younger years, and although I was good back then I have to admit I was hesitant to see what my hitting skills would be like now. I was ready for the challenge. I borrowed a baseball t-shirt, knew what I was going to wear and was just going to relax before I started to get ready.

Then...I get that text, him cancelling...four hours before our night out. I was pissed, and rightfully so. See spending time with him is comforting to me. I can be who I am because I'm safe with him, and I like him. I think the feeling isn't mutual, at least that's what I got from last weeks date, but I thought what the heck he obvious must like me in some respect to go out with me...maybe he's this or maybe he's that. In reality, and a reality I just didn't choose to see was that once again he's just not that into me.

I fought with him for a half hour. I wasn't going to be the nice girl to him and just let it go. I wasn't going to say we can try another night, because I'm the only one that puts forth any effort of doing anything. I needed to cut my ties with him. It seriously has been a year and a half of knowing him and only in the past five months has there been any spark of interest only because I insinuate it. If the feeling was mutual he would ask me out. If the feeling was mutual he could have cancelled, but made plans with me to make it up this week. If the feeling was mutual I wouldn't have to be sitting here on f'ing Valentine's day at 1:32am blogging about a good guy that just lost a grand girl.

Like I've said before, the reality is what it is. He's not going to call me and say he messed up. He's not going to do anything, because he doesn't want to. As I've said before actions speak louder than words, and my friend is motionless and mute.